I keep myself anonymous because I am afraid and, maybe, a coward. It also may be, for some people, unfounded to be afraid but it was my natural reaction after been seven years actively in Judaism. I do not consider myself a normal person since I do not come from a normal background and a normal family so, what can I expect?
What means for me "actively in Judaism": keeping mitzvoth, for this purpose it is necessary to study a bunch of different resources because Judaism comes to be one of the richest culture of this planet.
After 3 years of studying and keeping mitzvoth, G-d gave me the opportunity to go to a bet din and they accepted me as part of this amazing people, the people of Israel. After the mikve, one of my new brothers congratulated me with those words: "welcome to the most persecuted people on earth". At this moment I could not understand the implications of this truth.
It has been four years since my official admission on this selected group on earth and I feel persecuted by some of this selected group among others on the outside who hate us as part of their history tradition.
Persecuted in what sense? Today I am being threated by the non recognition of myself as jew, some have the political power of controlling the percentage of jewishness of the citizens of Israel. The memories of my conversion are almost irrelevant in my today's performance of life. I am not remembering this event every day of my life!
Constantly, among some individual religious people from different backgrounds, denominations, etc. are keeping my "goy-on-conversion" status alive, meaning being on question. When will I be considered jewish? NEVER?
As I said to my goy father that I love with all my heart and I am proud of, I may try to avoid dying here in Israel, because they may have a problem of where to put my bones. By the way, in my family, goy is just a joke name not a degradating nickname as some use.
My brain never stopped working after the mikve and I keep studying the infinite jewish resources and there have been some changes on my observance of jewish laws and they do not follow anymore the standards on what I was taught in the beginning of this jewish life journey.
It is not in my hands to keep alive the "jewishness" of my future children; I did all that it was required for conversion. Today in Israel, the jewish religious with political and administration powers are looking for ways to take out my jewishness if you do not follow it according to their opinion. A lot of people goes to the rabbanut acting or lying to get the marriage license. I am not an actor neither a liar (I keep Moses law, not Mohamed law).
G-d, helps us!!! PLEASE!!!
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